im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
