Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
