I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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