there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He has the fingertips of a God
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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