Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't deserve a penis
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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