ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Never underestimate the power of titties
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
