a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
