is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
