This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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