Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
