hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
