I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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