i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
P.S. I can't hear my feet
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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