thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
