I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
