did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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