Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
