i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize