We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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