Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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