at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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