So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize