Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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