I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
