So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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