Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
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