Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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