pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize