I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
