To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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