I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
