after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
