She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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