rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
