They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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