she kept yelling 'call me bella'
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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