I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
