my shit smells like andre
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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