I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
