i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
