so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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