Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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