I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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