Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
