And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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