I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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