why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I enjoy the company of your penis
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
