Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
