Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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