Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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