uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
