she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
"it" just moved
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
