Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
