Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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