oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have feelings that need drinking.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
