sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
