Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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