he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize