the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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