don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
