There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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