I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
