:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
