Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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