You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
