no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize