I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
