She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
